May 14, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day Whocares

There's just not enough humor potential to keep this topic going.  I'm still not smoking, I'm doing reasonably well on reducing my NRT over the 3-month course, and my recovery is painful, but on track.

I may start a new topic (something along the lines of Health and Fitness) about overcoming bad habits and health issues, but this topic is dead in the water.  If I faill massively and start smoking again, I'll be honest about it, but I sincerely think that I'm finally done with this terrible addiction.

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May 05, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 28

I'm getting better ...

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April 28, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 21

I had at least three clear thoughts today ... which is a new high score since I quit smoking.  Yay me!

Plus, if I can still add, or divide, or whatever the fuck mathematical operation is involved ... I'm now at 3 weeks smoke free!

Thank god for Commit Lozenges ... at 4 mini-pacs of those a day, my current NRT (nicotine replacement therapy) habit is only 2x as expensive and 3x as addictive as smoking!   Yay?

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April 25, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 18

Oral fixation? Yeah, I can think of ways to help with that ...

Dita posted mostly in response to this at DPUD. I find this picture far more satisfactory. Plus, it does remind me that there are much better things to put in your mouth than smokes.

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April 24, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 17

Hmmm, let's see ... there's a lot of interesting shit out there ... do I give enough of a crap to post anything?  Nope.

Never mind me, I'll just be in the corner over here jonesing for a smoke.

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April 20, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 13

Ha! And you thought I'd gone back to smoking!

What?  You had guessed that I was feeling so pathetically sorry for myself that I couldn't post?  Ok, that's about right.

Anyway, for today, here is my new perspective on time-honored sayings:

  • Today is the first day of the rest of your life -- WITHOUT SMOKING
  • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush -- UNLESS THE ONES IN THE BUSH HAVE SMOKES
  • All we have to fear is fear itself -- EXCEPT FOR FEAR OF NEVER SMOKING AGAIN
  • Welcome to the Hotel California -- WHERE WE TAX SMOKES SO MUCH THAT IT RUNS ABOUT $400 A FUCKING PUFF
  • Puff the Magic Dragon, lives by the sea -- AND SMOKES ALL HE WANTS BECAUSE HE"S FUCKING MAGIC AND CAN GET HIS FAT ASS OFFSHORE FAST ENOUGH TO ESCAPE THE GODDAMN PC POLICE

Ok, you get the idea.  I'm doing better, but still rather bitter.

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April 16, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 9

Can't even try to bring the funny today.  I'm now fully into the drudgery that is ridding myself of an incredibly unhealthy addiction.  So, some actual facts:

I'm using NRT (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) to try to get past it.  I've tried this in the past with the gum, but now I'm trying the lozenges.  The lozenges (at least for me) have several major advantages over the gum.  I can chew the nicotine out of the gum super-fast, thus actually boosting my nicotine addiction while kidding myself that I was working to cure it.  Sure, I can chew up the lozenges, but this actually ruins their delivery mechanism rather than enhancing it.

The lozenges leave a nasty chalky aftertaste in my mouth which makes me want to use less of them, whereas I actually liked the gum.  This aftertaste can last for a long time.  Hell, I wake up with dry-mouth from these things.  So, on balance, I get a lot less nicotine in my system with the lozenges, while they actually last longer than the gum.  Although this front-loads the difficulty a bit, it's definitely good for actually quitting, rather than just substituting delivery mechanisms for my addiction.

The bottom line:  quitting any major addiction requires time and dedication.  Whether it be cold-turkey or NRT for smoking, a 30-day stay in Betty Ford for drinking, or whatever, there's a huge 'hump' you have to get over to even have a chance at making it last.  I'm still working my way towards the top of the hump, but I'm far more committed to quitting than I have ever been before.  Maybe this time I'm serious enough about it to make it last.

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April 14, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 7

Woo-hoo! One week smoke free!  I'm overjoyed thrilled happy utterly fucking miserable.

The good news is my brain shut itself down completely today, so I have almost no recollection of anything that happened.  Which is almost too bad as there's enough loose fur lying around the cave to make me wonder what the fuck did happen.  Maybe I have a subconcious urge to shave squirrels or something.  Once I have enough energy again, in a month or so, maybe I'll look around for some suspiciously naked animals in my neck of the woods.

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April 13, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 6

Note to self:  Dried pine needles wrapped in leaves go up way too fast to smoke.

Side notes:  Research methods for rapid eyebrow regrowth/replacement.  Cancel order for nose hair trimmer.

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April 12, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 5

Woke up in the middle of the night, hearing something rummaging around in my cave.  Forgetting what day it was, I figured it was just that damn possum again, looking through the trash.  Extremely pissed-off as the only time I can forget about my nicotine cravings is when I'm asleep (or unconscious).   Got out my trusty 4-iron (the perfect club to whack possums with) and proceeded to flail wildly around the cave.

Well, of course, it wasn't the damn possum, it was the fucking Easter Bunny.  Forgetting just how nasty the Easter Bunny can be, I tried to threaten him with the 4-iron into giving me a pack of smokes for Easter.  You can imagine the result:

The intense pain of my injuries have mostly overwhelmed the nicotine cravings, so I guess that's something.

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April 11, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 4

Apologies for there being no day 3 to this diary.  I had every intention of making an entry, but during a massive nicotine fit, I rammed my head into the cave wall so hard I knocked myself out until this morning.

Woke up with a terrible headache.  Comforted myself with about 2,000mg of ibuprofin.  Starting to think that repeatedly knocking myself unconscious, followed by massive doses of painkillers, may be the best strategy to overcome nicotine addiction.  Ran headfirst into the cave wall again.

Came-to once more at about 3pm in a pool of mostly-dried blood.  Found an interestingly shaped patch of scalp and hair stuck to the cave wall above me.  Tried to light it on fire and smoke it.  The smell of singed hair reminded me of the abuse I used to take during welding lessons in shop class.  Never really caught fire, though.

Decided to take out my frustration and aggression against defenseless inanimate objects.  Spent the rest of the afternoon smashing everything in the cave that looked like it couldn't hit back.  Feel much better now, and remembering that exercise is supposed to help with withdrawl symptoms.

I'd try to get some more exercise, but one of the things I seem to have smashed is my Wii-Fit board.  Just as well, as that fucking thing was always bitching at me about how long it had been since I had last used it.  Reminds me of a nympho-psycho-girlfriend from ages ago.  Tried to look up her phone number.  No luck.  Damn, I hate life.

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April 09, 2009

Diary of an Ex-Smoker -- Day 2

Note:  There is no Day 1 for this diary, as it's impossible to type when you're curled up at the back of your cave whimpering like Al Gore after Tipper has just found your porn stash.

Today, I had a somewhat better day.  I managed to work my way out of the fetal position around noon.  Spent a few hours searching for any shreds of tobacco lying around, and cursing myself for being so thorough in disposing of my old nemesis.

Found a scrap of cardboard from an old carton of Marlboros and spent about 45 minutes licking it.  Didn't really help.

Rummaged around the cave aimlessly until finding an old pellet rifle.  Put that aside and filled up the bird feeder hanging from a tree near the cave entrance.  Spent the rest of the afternoon taking pot-shots at the birds coming to feed.  Hands so shaky from lack of nicotine that I only managed to hit a crippled sparrow that couldn't even get off the ground to get at the feeder.  Tried to light the sparrow on fire and smoke it.

Well after dark and I gave up trying to smoke the sparrow.  The good news:  It's pretty well cooked through (although smelling strongly of butane), so at least I have something for dinner.  That's it for today.

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