My fellow fascists, I am here today to implore you to reconsider your strategy of labeling everyone who disagrees with you as me, Hitler.  Quite frankly, it's an insult to my lethal legacy.

When this started with Bush, while it was obviously a laughable analogy, it was at least a comparison of apples to apples as it were, both of us being national leaders and all.  Now, you've devolved to the point where you're comparing people like Glenn Beck to me, Hitler.  Really?!?! Glenn fucking BECK?!?!?!  Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't he the dry drunk talk-show host who likes to rant about gold and cry a lot?  How many fucking people has he killed?  How many countries has he invaded?  How much genocide has he committed?  Glenn fucking BECK?!?!?! It's almost enough to leave my rotting corpse speechless.

This nonsense has got to stop.  If that asshole movie company hadn't stopped people from making bunker parodies, I'd make one myself about how easy it's become to get compared to me, Hitler.  At this rate, instead of being famous, everyone will be Hitler for 15 minutes.

My fellow fascists, get a hold of yourselves.  There was only one Hitler, and I'm long dead and unlamented.  If you must make ludicrous comparisons, at least give my rotting corpse a break and start using Stalin or Pol Pot or some other brutal leader as your boogeyman.  I'm sick of it, and quite frankly, their rotting corpses could use the attention.  Thank you.

Translated from the original German by Hermit Dave.  This blog does not necessarily endorse the views of the author.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 08:56 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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An extremely wealthy, 48-year-old man using a bunch of braindead hipster douchebags to further enrich himself by passing off the perpetuation of the status quo as sanity.

You have to hand it to Stewart.  He just might be the single most cynical bastard on the face of the earth.  And his followers are almost certainly the dumbest.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 09:40 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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That buffalo chicken pizza I ordered last night seemed like such a good idea at the time ...

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 09:26 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Posted by: Hermit Dave at 08:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I rarely laugh out loud, but I did at this:

Unless you're familiar with high finance you probably won't get it, or even know who the guy is, but it's funny on a number of levels.  Trust me.  Really.

(credit to williambanzai7 in the comments at ZH)

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 03:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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International law is like Blake Lively, I'd like to violate it as often and as enthusiastically as possible.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 11:46 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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How to get people to pay attention to airline safety instructions:

(via Hawtness)

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 10:16 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You know you've become a pop culture icon when you get spoofed by Sesame Street.

(via TMZ, although it should be on every site in existence soon, I figure.)

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 04:28 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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It's National Punctuation Day.  So, make [sure] ... you; use lot's of? punctuation!

Of course, the best way to use punctuation (and other mostly useless symbols) is as a substitute for profanity, eg.:  Ben Bernanke can go $'("@...%;-?& himself!!!

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 03:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Listening to a beltway insider on the merits of political reform is the same as listening to an assistant crack whore on the merits of rehab.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 10:29 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Awesome

Posted by: LC Aggie Sith at September 22, 2010 03:58 AM (+bSoE)

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The Ho Index is a little known (only to me I think) but highly accurate economic indicator. It's the average price charged for one hour of regular services by a hooker in Las Vegas. Unfortunately it's usually a trailing economic indicator as Hos are slow to lower their prices during a downturn, so it's hard to make money as you can't use it as a market timer, and you can't go short Hos.

Anyway, Craigslist has announced that they're getting rid of their erotic services section. While this won't do a damn thing to the overall level of Ho activity, it will make it a lot harder to measure the Ho Index. Don't you State AGs have anything better to do than pressure CL to drop this section? Like, oh I don't know, start prosecuting people for the years of massive fraud in the real estate and financial markets? Useless bastards.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 05:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Ok, let's imagine that this actually comes to pass, and the government installs GPS devices in all our cars. Think of all the fun you could have:

• Steal your neighbor's car and park it a few blocks away in a supermarket lot. Take out the GPS thingy and stick it to the underside of a long-haul truck.
• Remove the GPS thingy and stick it to your kid's scooter. Think about the government trying to figure out why you drive your car back and forth in front of your house for hours every day.
• Take your GPS thingy and put it on the car of the nice little old lady down the street, who only drives to church and back, once a week. That is, if you can find a place to squeeze it among the other thousand or so GPS thingys on her car.

There are plenty of other possibilities. People are increasingly sick of government intrusion, and this kind of device would be open to a hilarious range of civil disobedience.

Seriously though, even if you accept the premise that we should be taxed on milage (as an addition to or replacement of gasoline taxes), there is a much better way to implement this.  It's called a freaking odometer.  Ya know, that thingy in your car that tells you how far you've driven.

To my knowledge, every state already has yearly car registration requirements, so any additional tax could be collected based on odometer readings at that time.  Don't even try to tell me that it would be harder to scam a government GPS system than an odometer -- it wouldn't.

In other words, this is at best another potential government boondoggle, or at worst a thinly disguised attempt to increase government intrusion into our lives.  Messing with this system would sure be fun, though.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 09:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Ever had a tooth extracted?  These days they pack the bone with a graft in the event that you want to have an implant.  Painful, but no problem.

Here's what bugs me ... they then pack the loose gum with some healing gel crapola that works fine ... but it shrinks, leaving the final stitches really loose.  Then, because you're a typical OCD freak who can't leave anything alone, the loose stitches drive you nuts until you work them out with your tongue.

Er ... where was I going with this?  Oh yeah, lotta blood and a return trip to the dentist to tighten up the stitches.  Sometimes modern medicine is just too good for the human race.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 10:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Edgar Mitchell, an Apollo 14 astronaut, and the 6th man to walk on the moon, has apparantly lost his mind:

"It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence," said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. "I call upon our government to open up ... and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization."

The rest of the article is equally deranged.

Flying over England on May 20, 1957, "I got this blob - it was not a blip, it was a blob" on his radar screen, big as an aircraft carrier, he said. "Then he took off at Mach 10," something around 7,000 mph. The 77-year-old retired professor of civil engineering choked up as he retold how he was forbidden by a "spook" ever to speak of the incident, even to his father.

The incident came out in late 2008 when Britain declassified a batch of Ministry of Defense files on unidentified flying objects. "It was such a relief for them to let me know that I can talk about this," he said between sobs.

With the completely credulous tone of the article, and the utter lack of research into contrary opinion and information, it's tempting to fisk the whole thing. Being an essentially lazy bastard, I'd much rather just point and roll my eyes. Plus, more than anything else, the poor old guy leaves me feeling sorry for him.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 07:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Everyone who's anyone is a fan of MP's facecockings at DPUD. One problem: The ante has been raised. Good luck MP.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 09:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Posted by: Hermit Dave at 04:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One of the things I have noticed in the perusal of the conservative blogosphere, in regard to the Tea Parties, is that most commentators feel the need to say that 'I have never heard of this use of teabagging'. Um, please.

Is this distateful, sophmoric humor, unfit for any serious discussion of the tax protest movement? Of course. But to pretend that you didn't know the sexual act to which the phrase referred? In most cases, give me a break.

How does one spend any time online and not know what this (and many other phrases) mean in the pop-culture lexicon? How does admitting that you know what this means hurt your argument?

I'm comfortable enough with myself to (1) admit I know the sexual definition of 'teabagging', (2) admit that I'd have had to live in a cocoon of my own devising if I didn't know what that meant, but (3) still ridicule those who used the phrase in this context as a childish way to attempt to delegitimaze the movement.

For those who are 'above it all'? Methinks thou dost protest too much. Or, go read a few threads on Fark and at least gather some information, even if it might hurt your tender eyes.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 10:11 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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WTF happened to LGF?  I mean, I haven't read the site in ages, as it was mostly a one-note site.  Which is fine, but once you've educated yourself on the topic of radical Islam, there isn't much of a point in following it anymore.  Sure, there was the very nice contribution to Rathergate, but a flash in the pan success doesn't mean you should just turn off your brain and start running on autopilot.

Now?  Goddamn.  Shrapnel everywhere.  Hey, I'm no stranger to disagreements, but you clarify the issue and move on ... one way or another.  This is just silly levels of drama.

And, yeah yeah, no links.  Everyone knows where to find the relevant sites if drama is your thing.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 09:12 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Some dipshit workers at Dominos got busted for doing nasty things to food. Anyone who thinks this kind of thing hasn't been going on for ages is a complete idiot. It's just that in this digital day and age, you can compound your teenage stupidity by putting it on film or in photos.

Now, I never worked for a fast food chain ... so those who were ordering fast food 25 years ago can consider themselves lucky. However, I did work for a hardware store. Once a month we went around changing all the burnt out 8-foot fluorescent bulbs that lit the store. Safe disposal? You wish. Javelin contests with dipshit stock clerks heaving these things at each other? Yep.

If, 25 years ago, we had the capability of filming our activities, putting them on the internet and laughing ourselves silly in a haze of pot smoke, do you think we would have? OF COURSE!!

People need to get over themselves. A felony and civil suits? Please. This is pretty standard teenage dipshittery. Roll your eyes, give them a slap on the wrist and move on.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 07:01 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Phil Spector has been found guilty of murder. This is a racially-motivated outrage that cannot be ingnored! White people everywhere should get in their minivans, drive down to the nearest Lowes or Best Buy and start rioting and looting! There's a really nice table saw I've had my eye on that is just screaming to be liberated in the name of truth, justice, and extremely bad hair.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at 04:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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